Last Post for the Year

Wow I feel like time has gone by so fast. I can still remember last New Year's Eve when I went to Shakira's Concert which was great! I remember starting the year and everything I thought about it.

I feel like Life is so short you know? Which is why I don't wanna turn 18 in 2010. I just feel like once I'm 18, it's the beginning of the end of my life. I know, I know, those of you that are 20 and maybe even 30 something will probably be like 'See this child' but that's the way I feel! So since I feel like Life is short I've decided that in 2010 I'm gonna go after all the things I think about doing. I'm gonna take salsa dance classes. I've already found the one I'm gonna go to but they start in February. So yay me! I'm gonna start learning professional photography. I've always been into capturing beauty. I really really appreciate people that can draw. I think it's very amazing and it is truly a gift. So since I can't draw to save my life photography is perfect for me! And one of my very close friends has told me I have an eye for that sort of thing. Trust me he wouldn't say that if he didn't mean it because he can be such a meanie!

I met this lady the other day. She's a professional photographer and her work is so amazing. This woman is such a good photographer. And when she told me her age I was truly dumbfounded! I'm fatter than her and she has two kids! I mentioned how I wanted to be a writer, photographer and own my own company (Your girl has big dreams mehn LOL) before I'm 30 and she told me that I could do whatever I wanted. She said that people had told her so many negative things about her dreams but she had achieved a lot in her life so far and all before 30.

So she sort of inspired me and reminded me not to forget my dreams. A lot of people do that when they grow older. Forget their dreams. I guess a lot of it has to do with getting a job that doesn't really pay you well or a job you're not happy with, getting married and having children. Which is why I'm going to avoid getting married until I know I can stand firmly on my own two feet and afford anything I want so that no man will tell me that it was when he married me that I could afford certain luxuries or say that I was living off my parents money or even say that I depend on him completely financially. I can't wait to go see Rihanna this New Year's Eve. I'm sure she'll rock.

Make a list of things you wanna achieve this New Year and just go for it! No thinking twice, no second guessing yourself. Think about all the great people in this world. Everyone of them was just a normal person like you but they all just have one thing in common. They had a dream and they went after it.

Happy New Year in advance people!

SWAG

People have MURDERED this word 'Swag'. The ones that have it and the ones that don't! Everyone wants to claim that they have Swag. Let's analyse the whole issue here and now! I have a very good friend who always has this amazing way of putting things. So I casually asked him what he thought 'Swag' means. He said:

"Swag should be the display of confidence and satisfaction over one's natural demeanor and persona. Not trying to display your watch or Nike Airs as much as possible."

This is his blog. But I warn you. In de blow grammar! Not that I'm saying you guys don't understand big words sha. Anyway I agree with his definition of Swag. Nigerian guys have confidence. Mad Confidence! Even a mechanic on the street will try and toast you whether or not you seem interested in him or not. Even if you bounce him and insult him he will still toast the next fine babe to pass him on the street. You gotta love the confidence!

I think that the confidence they have is what makes every Tom, Dick and Peter open his lips and say 'I have Swag' Swag is not just about confidence. It's an aura surrounding you, it's a vibe you give. If Swag had lips it would say:

'I'm not trying too hard to be the shit, I just am.'

That's what Swag is! And someone with Swag wouldn't constantly need to remind everyone how much Swag they have, how heavy their Swag is or how "No one on the corner has swagger like them"

Guys love to complain that girls only like them for their money. Excuse you! I don't think it's wrong for a girl to say she wants a rich boyfriend when guys are always going on and on about how they want a girl with a big ass, big boobs or a tiny waist. That's bad too! If you don't want a girl to only like you for your money stop going around talking about specific "types" of girls you like. If you are shallow don't expect to date someone who is not shallow as well. There is a reason for the phrase "Beggars can not be Choosers" Thank you.

Let me help Nokia promote their new phone. The N900 is the shit. It is the shit. That is just the truth of the matter. End of Story.

Na wa o!

We are a product of our environment. I strongly believe that. I grew up in Lagos so most of my contact with a lot of Hausa people started when I started going to boarding school in the North. Before my Hausa was an apology! Ah! I cringe when I remember how I'd stay for about five minutes straight wondering how to make up just a sentence. But I understood it well. If you insulted me I'd know! Even now that my Hausa is good if you blow some complicated Hausa words for me I'll be dumbstruck!

When we'd go to the village to see my relatives I'd just be there staring at them. They'd go 'Aah bata jin Hausa? Ai za ta koya dan dole!' meaning 'She doesn't understand Hausa? She will learn by force!' with a menacing look in their eye as if they wanted to beat me for not being able to speak it. I didn't really like Tuwo growing up. I'd be very unhappy whenever my mom made it. I said it looked like 'white poopoo' and I only ate it when I had to. Today when you bring Tuwo for me I will eat it WELL and lick the plate sef!

So you can understand why I wasn't really used to the idea of a man having more than one wife. Sure I'd heard about it happening but I'd never met someone that had more than two mummies as I liked to put it. So imagine my surprise when I went to boarding school and I met a lot of people that had more than one mummy. They had two! Some even had four mummies! It was all very strange to me. I thought they must be very lucky to have more than one mummy caring for them and they could take advantage of the situation. If one mummy said no to something they could go to the other one and she might say yes. Later I learnt that was not the case. In fact, if one mummy said no and the other one said yes to you it might start a HUGE fight and the two mummies might exchange words and even a few blows.

GBOSA!!!!

That's the sound of Mummy 1 punching Mummy 2. Normally we would put the word 'POW' but seeing as how this is a Nigerian Blog I think 'GBOSA' would be more appropriate.

Sometimes the children of the different mummies got along. And other times they didn't even talk to each other. On visiting day they were a sight to behold! Their whole family would come with either two cars or more or even a bus! One time I asked my mummy: 'Mummy how come I don't have another mummy?' See the way she eyed me ehn! It wasn't till I grew older I understood why the mummies didn't get along and why my mom eyed me when I asked her that question.

I keep saying it to people but they think I'm just making mouth. The day my husband decides he wants to marry another wife is the day I am leaving his house! Because technically for him to marry that second wife he has to cheat on you by dating the other woman which he is not supposed to do while he's married to you. And as far as I'm concerned love in a marriage can only be between one man and one woman! Shikenan! (End of Story)

No offence to people that have more than one mummy sha. That's just my take on the matter! And what is up with young girls marrying old guys naw? I think it's very weird! You see men marrying girls that are their daughters mates! I know a lot of men that have done that. Exact age mates and they might even have the same friends. There was this wedding reception and a young girl who was a friend of the bride came out of the house to look around. When she came out, she saw her dad. Guess what? He was a friend of the groom!

Na wa o!

Please Idolize Us

I think that we are the ones that idolize other people. If you paid certain people no attention whatsoever they would not feel like they are the shit. Just like celebrities. If we didn't shriek and scream when we see them, watch their shows, buy their CD's and watch their music videos. They would be nothing. Some of them would have no money, no fame, nothing! They would just be regular people. It's the exact same thing with popular people. If everyone ignored them and acted like they were just normal people they wouldn't really be popular.

We idolize people. We are the ones that make them 'Fashion Icons', 'Idols', 'Role Models', 'Correct Guys', 'Big Boys' and any other name you can think of. Think about it. If you saw Rihanna randomly on the street when she still looked the way she did in her first video 'Pon De Replay' You might not even give her a second look. You'd just say 'Hmm, she's pretty' and that's it. Popular people are only popular in circles they are known.

There's this girl I know, her father is really well known and he's stinking rich. This girl is quite simple. She rocks her expensive things well well but she is not condescending in any way. If you talk to her, she will talk to you. If you are nice to her, she will be nice to you. I think she's very nice. But some people because they know who her father is immediately assume she is stuck up, arrogant and not very down to earth. They never even bother getting to know the girl. They just assume. Now if they didn't know who her father was would they think that? No they wouldn't. We are not our parents. Don't assume the kind of person someone is just from looking at them or knowing just their surname. Don't take people for granted.

You might think Oh she's not rocking a Prada bag (since that's the only label your foolish mind knows) so she's not that important. That bag you are looking at somehow might even be able to buy you five Prada bags with change on top. One girl walked into our flat the other day and saw a shopping bag lying around. It was my sisters'. She went 'Oh you bought a bag from *insert shop name*' My sister went 'Uh huh' because questions like that made her uncomfortable. Then the girl said 'Oh, can I see the bag?' and then my sister showed it to her. She said 'Why didn't you buy the one that had the label written all over it?' I just pretended to be very interested in my nails at that point because I didn't want to burst out laughing. So you will only buy something so that other people can see?

People attach too much significance to such things. If you wanna buy something buy it because you like it! Don't buy it so that people will see! Like all those boys that will buy their LV belt and be raising their shirt so that we can all see it and their nyash in the process. It's not that serious as Bubbles would say. Please take it easy. If you are doing it for a girl don't worry you will find one that will like you with your Alaba Market belt.

Ok maybe not Alaba Market Belt per se... LOL

And people that try to compete just make me laugh. You are busy there worrying yourself and having sleepless nights just to prove that you are something you are not while the person you are competing with doesn't even notice you one bit. Sometimes when I look at some people everything about them just screams:

'Please Idolize me'

The Aftermath(It's a wrap)

Everything I talked about is true. It's not just a story. Some people said it was our fault. That we didn't wear life jackets. We were told we didn't need them. Besides, it's not like you imagine when you're young 'Ooh we're all gonna die when we get on that boat even though it looks like a lot of fun' Two guys that weren't on the boat jumped into the water to help. They were pretty good swimmers. They died. Two guys we're on the boat, one of them was the better swimmer. He was the best swimmer in our set. Guess what? He died. Yup! The better swimmer died. And out of four of us that survived, only one of us could actually swim.

Point is I don't think it would've mattered if we did have life jackets. They could have punctured or something would've happened to them rendering them useless. The logical thing, the most likely thing to happen sometimes doesn't happen. If I was asked this:

"Ten teenagers are on a boat, five can swim and and the other five can't. Only four can survive, which ones are more likely to survive?"

Of course the logical thing to do would be to take into account their gender, weight, height and other variables that would tell you who has the most likely chance of survival. You could just say only those that can swim will survive. It's easy to say things like that but what happens in reality is a totally different thing. I said once casually to someone that I'd rather someone shot me than let me drown and he laughed at me. 'Silly Little Girl' he called me 'What do you know about Dying?'

I was afraid to shut my eyes for a long time. Everytime I did I'd see myself back there. I'd see their faces. I'd hear their screams. It was madness. The worst was when people would say to me 'Oh you poor thing, how did you survive?' Like I had some special thing I did that made me survive. Or like I was smarter because I survived and they didn't. Like I was special. I hated the disbelieving looks they'd give me when I told them that I don't know how I found my head bobbing above the water when I'd given up. When I can't swim.

I actually became a happier person. More extroverted. Naughtier so to speak. I guess it has helped me look at things differently. A lot differently. The funny thing is the incident happened eleven days before my birthday. So every year, eleven days before my birthday I am reminded of it. And on my birthday I am more grateful to be alive. And that is why my birthdays mean a lot to me.

It's something you think about everyday. In the beginning you think about it for hours on end, then you think about it for only a few hours and then you only think about it for minutes everyday. But you still think about it. Not because you came close to dying and you feel bad because you almost died, it's because you were there with them when they died and you couldn't do anything about it. What do I think about? What haunts me?

The feeling of helplessness is what haunts me.

Five Years ago Part 2

Lady X was immediately filled with panic. She couldn't swim. And they were right in the middle of the lake. It was very far to shore. There was no way she could float her way to shore. Everyone on the boat laughed. "Oh, silly me!" Lady X thought to herself. Of course the boat man stopped the boat on purpose. He would turn it on in a second. That's why everyone was laughing. She relaxed a little. Her best friend made a joke and everyone laughed. She could see her sister at the shore. She waved furiously, she waved back. One minute...Two minutes...Three...

The boat man said "I think you will all have to swim, the boat isn't starting." he said trying to start it. They all laughed some more. He was most definately joking Lady X thought once more. This could not be happening. Stuff like that only ever happened in the movies. Never in real life. The boat man kept trying to start the boat. Lady X was right next to him. Wait...Was he joking? He seemed to be a very good actor. Amirah was in the middle of the boat. She got up and rocked it. It swayed side to side. She did it with mad glee on her face. Her smile...It was...weird. Why was she smiling like that? "Stop that!" Daniel shouted at her. Lady X could see why, the boat was filling up with water. But where was it coming from? Daniel wasn't laughing anymore. No one was. Why weren't they laughing ? "Ok you all need to stay very still! If you move the boat is gonna capsize!" Daniel said with a very scared look on his face. They all stayed still. The boat was still sinking. The last thing Lady X remembered was someone screaming. Or was it her? She fell in first since she was at the extreme end of the boat.

She wasn't the only one that fell in. All around her she felt people struggling. Thrashing around. All trying to get to the surface of the water. All trying to do one thing. Survive. She struggled a little as well but then she realized one thing. She couldn't swim. She was going to die. A lot of things rushed through her head.

"At least I'm going to heaven. I'm still a kid. That's a good thing. And I'm dying in water, I'm definately going straight to heaven. My sister...I hope she doesn't try to jump in. She can't swim. Mummy...Oh Mummy...She's going to be so heartbroken. She's going to blame herself. She didn't want me to come. And Daddy...I'm gonna miss Daddy a lot. But my sister...I wish I didn't have to leave her. This is painful... I feel so...helpless. It's so quiet down here. Am I dead yet? Ok I need to stop thinking... I'll just let myself go so this can be quick..."

All these thoughts were running through Lady X's head. Then she saw a light. "That was quick!" she thought to herself thinking it was an angel coming to get her. Suddenly, she found her head bobbing out of the water. She coughed a great deal. Her nose was blocked and her head was pounding. It was chaos. She could hear people screaming all the way from the shore. She saw the capsized boat. She floated her way to it using anything she remembered about swimming. She held onto it. Why wasn't anyone coming to get them?

She saw her best friend holding on to the boat. They exchanged looks that meant 'I'm so happy you're alive.' Then she asked him 'The others?' He shook his head. His eyes were red and bloodshot. Gone was the best friend that could make anyone laugh. Gone was the best friend with the huge laugh that made everyone else laugh. Gone was the best friend who liked to make fun of her. All she saw was a scared teenage boy wondering if he was going to live.

After what seemed like hours of floating, the water was silent. It was like there weren't eight people under it. It was like Lady X wasn't just struggling for her life. A boat came and rescued her best friend and another girl who had the same name with Lady X. She had climbed onto the back of the boat the moment it capsized. Lady X screamed her best friends name. Was he going to leave her behind? He turned around and looked at her. Then he told one of the men on the boat. 'Please stay with her, I'm begging you, we'll come back for you guys. Please I'm begging." He was almost crying. The man hesitated and then finally jumped off the boat holding a jerrican. That was the only thing that kept them floating since the boat had completely sunk by then. And so they waited... And like her best friend said another boat came to get them.

The trip to shore seemed like forever. Lady X couldn't help looking back. When they finally got to land she dropped on her knees and grabbed a handful of red earth. She needed to know she was alive, she needed to feel the land. She saw her best friend. They didn't hug or anything. They just exchanged another look. He was hugging himself. She saw her sister. She hugged her and continued staring at the water. Hoping for a miracle. She heard one of her friends faintly behind them. "They've spent more than seven minutes in the water. The longest you can spend is five minutes isn't it?" She sat down in front of the water. That was when she realized her trousers had come off and she was only wearing her tights. She couldn't think. People around her were asking "Are you ok?" "Do you want a blanket?"

"Just shut up." she said getting up and walking aimlessly. She opened her mouth and let out a huge scream. She just kept screaming and screaming. She couldn't cry so she screamed. Her chest heaved and her voice croaked but she still kept screaming.

*In Islam if you die in water, fire or if a building collapses on you, you go to heaven straightaway. Also if you die a kid like if you're not yet mature for a girl that means if you haven't gotten your period yet you go to heaven straight away. Last Part comes after this.

Five Years ago...

I've always said I'm gonna blog about this but I never did. I'm doing it now. It's long but worth reading I think.

Rewind back five years. May the 14th to be precise. Imagine me with glasses and still in my chubby phase. I was more introverted then but also a big meanie!

She felt someone poke her head. "Ouch!" she said turning around and putting the novel she was reading on her laps. It was her best friend being mischievous as usual. At the time however they were not best friends. The event that would happen later was what made them closer than they had ever imagined. "Stop reading jo! You're meant to be having fun. We're going to be in a resort all by ourselves for crying out loud." "Well this is fun for me. Reading this is fun! Besides the thought of being in a resort with a bunch of horny teenage boys isn't exactly what I would describe as fun." she replied sarcastically. "There you go again with your grammar. Gimme that thing jo!" he said snatching the book from her and sitting on it.

They were in a bus on their way to an excursion. The whole class of SS1 had been anticipating this trip. The year above them had gone and come back with stories of fun and adventure. Two weeks before hand people were packing their best clothes to impress each other. People were planning what they were going to do weeks before hand. Lady X on the other hand just couldn't shake this feeling she had. Usually when she was looking forward to something really much something bad almost always happened ruining it for her. She knew something bad was going to happen but she never guessed just how right she was.

"We're here!" someone shouted from the front of the bus. She looked up from talking with her friends and saw the sign. 'Trappco Ranch Resort'. They went in and she briefly saw a huge lake. She heard someone say faintly:

"Whoa, it would be so cool to run and jump inside that lake! Some James Bond shit mehn!"

Everyone laughed. Lady X smiled to herself.

She got down from the bus and met up with her sister, Faridah and her best friend Amirah. Lady X really liked Faridah. She was one of those people that it was hard not to like. It was impossible to be mad at her for anything. Amirah was the funniest and razz-est babe ever! They were both tiny, that was the only thing they had in common. Faridah was fair and Amirah was very dark. Those two were inseparable, just like Lady X and her sister. They got into the rooms they were to be staying in and everyone started showering and changing their clothes. They were all in a hurry to go to the lake and ride the boat or to get on the quad bikes.

Lady X showered quickly and changed her clothes. She was wearing black jeans and tights underneath. She loved wearing tights. They made her huge ass jiggle around less. She found herself walking fifteen minutes later with her sister and another girl Bilkisu who she didn't really get along with. They went past the quad bikes but people were already riding them so they proceeded to the lake. On their way there they met a few friends that had just gotten on the boat there. They went on and on about how fun it was. Lady X got even more excited. It had been a while since she'd been on a boat. Her dad used to take her when she was a kid in Lagos. They hurried to the lake and there were a lot of their classmates there. Everyone wanted to get on the boat!

Lady X found herself on the boat. It got full quickly so her sister didn't get on. They went around the lake with the boat. The man steering the boat made it even more fun by turning the boat around sharply a lot which was all very exciting They went back to shore and some people got off while others came on. Lady X thought for a minute. "Hey you know what?" she shouted to her sister just before the boat left the shore "What?" her sister shouted back. "Let's switch rings." Lady X replied. "Why on earth would you want to do that?" her sister said laughing "Just like that." Lady X said taking off her ring, giving it to her sister. Her sister looked at her for a moment, her face expressionless, then she smiled and collected the ring. She gave hers to Lady X. "Hold onto these as well." Lady X said giving her her glasses.

Lady X went a second time and the third time she found herself on the boat with her best friend, Faridah, Amirah, Bilkisu and three of her other friends. They were all laughing and splashing water on each other. It was one of those rare moments where everyone was just having fun. No one cared about what clique you rolled with. They were all genuinely happy and you could feel the positive energy on the boat.

And then the boat stopped... The first thing Lady X thought was:

"Oh my God... " I'm only twelve.

I love...

So I'm dating this guy, he speaks Portuguese. How sexy is that? Lemme answer you. It's very sexy! When he's talking on the phone to someone I just stare at him. I just wanna engulf him! Is that weird? Anyway, he's a real sweetie and he's very honest so that's all I'm saying for now.

I feel like this semester flew by you know? It feels like just yesterday I went back home to Naija for the summer holidays and got my heart broken before I came back to school. Feels like it was just yesterday I was wallowing in misery and self pity for a week. Feels like it was just yesterday school resumed! And now my exams are coming up. First one is on the 12th to be exact and it's the final Accounting course I'll have to take in my degree. I find it very hard as well. When it comes to Math I'm more of a statistics kinda babe. Gimme the formula, gimme the numbers and I'll solve it for you. But with Accounting...Hmm. I never study early for anything but I'm gonna start studying for Accounting today. I even got me a tutor!

Now I can not wait for New Moon to hit the cinemas here. It's out on the 26th. I think I'll buy a ticket beforehand. All these mad people here might have already bought their tickets! That's how when Coldplay was coming the tickets got sold out before I even heard o! And the concert was even in Abu Dhabi and not Dubai! Has anyone seen the 2012 movie? I went to see it alone. I love watching movies alone. It was so sad. At one point I almost shed a tear or two because the movie was so real and true. At the end of the movie I wanted to jump up and shout AFRICA!!! Those of you that have watched the movie will get why.

I wore purple leggings out yesterday. When I wore them my sister paused the movie she was watching, looked at me and burst out laughing for five minutes. I kid you not. This girl was laughing at me like I was one clown! She even took pictures! Who knows about the Belle Du Jour Blog? The one that was turned into the series 'Diary of a Call Girl' ? novels and I think a movie as well. The stories are all true and the lady stepped forward recently and revealed herself. How about that?

"You can fall for someone in an instant, for an instant..."

That's a quote from the blog. I just love it. Makes so much sense. I get prostitutes that are forced into it, I get the ones that do it when they really need the money when they have nothing else to do and no one to turn to but I absolutely do not get prostitutes that are not poor, not forced into it but do it just for the heck of it! And girls that only date married men, I think those ones are just plain evil.

Dear Leggy

Actually I was just gonna ignore your comments on your blog but I just have to talk for once.

Last time you attacked me on your blog I didn't say anything about it on my blog but now I'm gonna talk. Before you attacked me I'd say we were Blogger "friends". Some of your posts were a bit...let me say "quirky" but I didn't mind, I never took any of them personal even if I didn't agree with them. You were just stating your mind I think. When I commented on Controversy's blog however you went on your blog to paint me out to be this "muslim, christian and bible bashing girl" and I'm pretty sure anyone who read what you wrote without knowing me or visiting my blog would've thought that.

What I think you should've done, what I think would've been the mature thing to do if you really wanted to know what I meant by that comment would be to ask me what I meant. You could've come to my blog and asked me on it or even asked for my email if it really bothered you as much as you said on your post that it did. You could say you don't know me so you don't really care and you owe me no such maturity, but on your post my comment seemed to bother you a lot even though you didn't know me. In fact, due to the way you typed that comment on your blog post another blogger asked me what I meant later when we were chatting. We talked about it and the person saw that I was in no way bashing Christianity or The Bible which is the way you made it seem. I understand that may not have been your intention but that is certainly the way you made it seem. In a lot of your blogposts the way you write about certain things and the words you use seem one way and then the way you say you mean it in your comments say another thing entirely.

I was very offended because most of my friends are not even muslims. I'm not saying one or two. I'm saying a LOT. This isn't something I see as important or something to shout about. After all if someone is truly your friend you're not supposed to care what religion they are. How many muslim friends do you even have? My best friend isn't a muslim, one of my closest guy friends isn't a muslim. My ex wasn't even a muslim. The guy I'm dating right now isn't a muslim. So surely you can begin to understand how much that comment annoyed me.

Now Leggy, how can you say that you respect people's opinions when you went to Controversy's blog and called him all sorts of names? That wasn't enough for you. You went to your blog as well and typed up a whole post about it. How is that respecting people's opinions? If someone opened a blog talking about Islam and all the things they don't think are right about it I would definately not go and attack them. We would have a constructive argument. I wouldn't take it personally. Maybe a few years ago I might but now I know I would not. And trust me there are a LOT of blogs bashing Islam and what not. Do you see me getting angry or taking it personally? Besides Controversy did not insult you in that post of his directly. His parents are Christian! Most of his friends are Christian! He was raised as one! If you think he is insulting Christians then surely that must mean he is insulting the very people he cares about!

Also, there is a way to insult someone without calling them names. Example:

Leggy is a stupid idiotic oaf of a girl. Now that is a direct insult.

Leggy is a bit egocentric, naive, narrow minded and she has mental tendencies but I think her blog posts are nice. THAT is a sugar coated insult. So I really don't appreciate it when you say that you've never insulted me when you have. I find this to be an insult

"Lady X I'm sorry I called you a muslim on Controversy's blog which for some reason you didn't like..."

That is an insult to me. It insinuates that I'm ashamed to be a muslim which I am not. Now you're probably opening your mouth wide and wondering how on earth it means that. But it does! You can say one thing and mean one thing but someone can take it another way! That's how I typed a very well meaning post here and you said I was judging people. Everyone else that commented surely didn't think so. And I think they all spoke their mind. At least I hope so. The way you even typed your comment made it seem like an attack and not a comment.

That is my problem with you. You were the one that started this whole thing if you ask me. I think you need to know that sometimes just because you don't agree with something or you think it is wrong does not mean everyone thinks it is wrong. We all forget that sometimes. I know I do. Please accept that you are wrong sometimes. And accept that you were wrong to talk about me and Controversy like that on that post of yours.

I wrote this post cuz I couldn't type this all out on your blog.

More Humanitarian "BS"

Do you feel like people see you in a totally different way than you see yourself?

People see me as this wild, crazy, fun loving girl. That's true! I'm always ready to run to the floor though there's no one dancing, always ready to round people up and go do something fun, always up for anything that sounds even remotely fun but at the same time I can be the girl that doesn't talk to anyone. I can be the arrogant proud girl that feels too big with herself. I can be that girl who is always alone. The girl that never wants to go out.

I love partying, but I also love being alone. I love shopping alone and sitting down to have a quiet dinner alone watching everyone else. I love to dance but I love to sit in my bed in the dark and watch a good movie or series. I can be mean, arrogant, bitchy and act like I don't give a shit but I'm also the girl that would cry when no one is watching when I think about things some of you wouldn't even give a second thought. Like the laborers I saw the other day** To a lot of us they would just be laborers. But to me they were fathers, brothers, husbands that were under the hot sweltering sun working their asses off to make money that they wouldn't even spend. Money that wouldn't be a lot to you and I but would be a whole lot to their family back home. I see suffering in their eyes and I see longing when they look at me or the people around me. Their eyes say "I wish I were you..." When they look at me, I see realization dawning on them. I see that they know they might never be what we are.

When I look at people I see a lot. It's a good thing and a very bad thing at times. I can look at someone and see that they are lonely or see that they are sad. Or maybe I don't see it, it's like a feeling. A split second feeling. I ignore it a lot. I've found that it's better that way. My point is, things are not always the way they appear. I am not just arrogant. I don't just wanna have fun. I'm not always happy. I am not just a loner. They are not just laborers.

**Great Civilizations are always built on the backbones of slaves. Dubai is no different. The laborers that have helped to build it are mostly Indian. They are paid alright but you should see the conditions they work in. They are modern day slaves in my opinion. You learn to not look at them. We have learnt to look away. Your eyes just pass over them. You pretend not to see. And soon enough, you don't.

Sorry, I'm sure I'm more interesting to read when I'm talking about how fun my life is and not how much other people's lives must suck. I'll stick to the funny stories.